The Magic of Childhood Christmases

Christmas as a child was truly magical. The kind of magic that felt eternal – endless excitement, family filling every room, and no hint that time would ever catch up with us.

Back then, Christmas was all about the presents, the laughter, and the chaos. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve realised that the festive season is bittersweet.

It’s still about joy and togetherness, but the gifts of time and loss have reared their ugly head time and time again, so I find that it’s also about remembering the people who aren’t here anymore.

Grief at Christmas is a difficult burden to carry. There’s no real structure to this post, but the 22nd of December will always be a day marked by grief for me.

Losing Loved Ones Over the Holidays

One loss that hits especially hard this time of year is my dad. He passed away on the 22nd of December, just over a decade and a half ago. I can still remember the strange, hollow feeling that year.

Christmas didn’t feel like Christmas. Today, I can’t even toast to him with a proper drink – not just because I’m on antibiotics, but because he was a recovering AA.

So instead, I’ll raise a caffeine-free Pepsi to him and his memory. It’s not much, but it feels right.

Looking back, it’s only just dawned on me as I write this, just how many loved ones I’ve lost over the Christmas period.

My step-dad’s dad, for one, who struggled with dementia in his later years. I visited him at his care home one Christmas, and it was a sorry sight. It was hard to reconcile the man I’d known with the one in front of me, his world so clouded by that cruel disease.

And then there was my Grandma, the matriarch of our family. She was a fighter, bless her cotton socks. Even as she battled breast cancer and blood cancer, she held onto her strength.

My son had just turned 2, and we were gearing up for a Christmas trip to Cardiff – a chance to see her one last time at the home that we spent so many Christmases in.

She had live in care assistants, but within days she was moved to an assisted living facility and she passed away in her sleep. I seek solice in the fact that I managed to Skype with her and the boy before she passed.

Time, as it so often does, slipped away too quickly.

Coping with Grief During Christmas

Christmas, more than any other time of year, seems to carry the weight of loss. Maybe it’s because the season is so tied to family, or maybe it’s because the holidays have a way of freezing memories in time.

Each year, as the decorations go up, so do the memories – the laughter, the stories, and the quiet goodbyes that came too soon.

If you’re struggling with grief this Christmas, here are some things that might help:

• Self-Care: Grief takes an emotional toll, and it’s important to be kind to yourself. Whether it’s taking a long walk, listening to soothing music, or just allowing yourself quiet time, self-care can help ease the weight of the season.
  
  I bring up this time of year with my wife (usually a few days prior) and she’s always understanding, even with the chaos of moving all the kids bedrooms around this year!
• Create a New Tradition: You could honour the memory of your loved ones by starting a tradition that includes them. It could be lighting a candle in their name, sharing their favourite dish at Christmas dinner, or even just reminiscing about your happiest moments with them.
• Encourage Open Communication: Talk about your feelings with those around you. Share stories about the loved ones you’re missing. You’ll find that speaking openly about grief can help immensely.
• Seek Support: If the holidays feel overwhelming, do reach out for help. Whether it’s your spouse, a friend, a family member, or therapist, having someone to talk to can make a world of difference – Cruse have a helpline (0808 808 1677) if you need to talk. (Do check their website for opening times).

Finding Hope Amid Loss

Even with all the loss, Christmas still carries a glimmer of hope for me. It’s in my kids’ excitement over stockings, the warmth of a shared meal, and the memories we’re creating now.

Time moves on, and while the memories of the past remain, my family and I are moving forward together. We’re creating new traditions and cherished moments – ones I hope my kids will hold onto when the time comes for them to ensure we’ve got the toll to pay the ferryman.

The Strength of Support

One thing I’m endlessly grateful for is my wife’s incredible support during this time of year.

She seems to know exactly what I need, even when I don’t. A few years back, she bought a memorial candle for my dad, a thoughtful gesture that meant the world to me. Ironically, I forgot to take it down last Christmas, so it’s been up all year – but that just means it’s ready to go now, a quiet reminder of how much she cares and understands.

Funny thing is, I still can’t bring myself to actually light it. Maybe I’m not ready, or maybe leaving it unlit is my way of holding onto the memory without letting it fade.

Gratitude for the Present

I’ve come to realise that even though grief casts a long shadow, it does fade with time. My family today is my constant reminder that joy and loss can coexist, and it’s not paradoxical to hold space for both.

Grief has a way of sneaking up on you, especially during the holidays. One moment, you’re wrapping gifts or laughing with your kids; the next, a song (please don’t put Jamiroquai on) or an old ornament brings you to tears. I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions – sadness, joy, and everything in between.

Finding New Meaning in Christmas

While Christmases in the past were all about the presents, it’s different now. All the effort my wife and I put in to give the kids a Christmas we could only dream of growing up – it makes it all worthwhile. The real joy now comes from seeing their faces light up, knowing that they’ll carry these memories forward, too.

To everyone reading this, especially those missing someone this Christmas, know that you’re not alone. Grief can feel soul wrenching, but it’s also tribute to the love we’ve shared.

Merry Christmas x
– Seb (a.k.a The Dad)

• Day 20: Driving Home for Christmas: Then VS Now
• Day 22-23: A Day of Rest & Reflection – Returning on Day 24
• Day 24: 100 New Year Quotes to Celebrate (or Survive) 2025