A Tribute to Mums (and the Dads Who'd Be Lost Without Them)

Without mums, most dads would be wandering the house like lost toddlers, phone in one hand, keys in the other, asking where their wallet is (it was in my pocket the whole time… obviously).

And before we go any further—yes, Mother's Day is coming up. No, it's not the same date every year. Yes, you should probably should put a reminder in your calendar app before you forget (and while you're at it, bookmark these Mother's Day jokes—they might just save you too).

Mother's day is the 30th of March 2025, so UK dads, you're already cutting it fine. If you're in the US, you've got until May, but let's be real here, you're probably still going to leave it to the last minute.

Jokes not your thing? Why not check out our collection of the best Mother's Day quotes & messages to make her day extra special!

Mother's Day is the perfect time to celebrate the absolute wonders that wives and mums are—the glue that holds the house together, the planners of birthdays, the finders of lost things (I've got ADHD, what's your excuse?), the undisputed queens of the household—the only reason the kids eat something other than toast, crisps and chips, and perfectors of next-level pancakes.

Speaking of which, let me tell you about Pancake Day.

I did my bit—I picked up all the essentials from the Co-op while juggling dance class drop-offs: berries, chocolate, bacon, sausages, you name it. My wife said she needed 30 minutes (which meant an hour and a half) to put everything together.

The kids were absolutely hanging, so I did what any dad would do—started yeeting them across the living room, smacking them with a giant inflatable burrito, and giving an impromptu guitar concert—whatever it took to keep spirits high while the magic happened in the kitchen.

And sure enough, out comes a platter of pancakes, each with our names etched into them.

The kids inhaled them like they hadn't eaten in weeks. A proper work of art. And far, far better than my attempt last year.

So, here's to all the mums out there—the ones who do it all.

These jokes are for you!

But before we begin....

Did you hear the one about the mum who walked into a bar and started chatting with an Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a British person, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabé, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chinese person, a Colombian, a Comorian, a Congolese person, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djiboutian, a Dominican, a Dutch person, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorian, an Egyptian, an Emirati, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Eswatini, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a French person, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irish person, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese person, a Jordanian, a Kazakh, a Kenyan, a Kiribati, a Korean, a Kosovar, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Lao, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monegasque, a Mongolian, a Montenegrin, a Moroccan, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerien, a Nigerian, a North Macedonian, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Polish person, a Portuguese person, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Kitts and Nevisian, a Saint Lucian, a Saint Vincentian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a São Toméan, a Saudi, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovak, a Slovene, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Sudanese, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamese, a Swede, a Swiss person, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Thai, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Turkmen, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, an Uzbek, a Vanuatuan, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese person, a Yemeni, a Zambian, and a Zimbabwean?

She was having a great time—until she realised she'd left the Chilian the stove… (oof).

10 Mother's Day Jokes About Dads (Because We Had This Coming)

Mums have a very specific skill set—one that includes knowing exactly what's wrong before you say anything, giving that look across the room, and having an uncanny ability to find anything dads swear has vanished into the void.

So let's get this off on the right foot and have a laugh at our own expense shall we.

1. What do you call a dad who says, "I'll sort Mother's Day out" but forgets?
A repeat offender.

2. Why do dads say, "Don't worry, I've got Mother's Day sorted"?
Because they're hoping that counts as a present.

3. Why do dads always forget where things are?
Because Mum put them away in the exact same place they've been for the last five years.

4. Mum: "What did you get me for Mother's Day?"
Dad: "The kids. Happy Mother's Day."
Mum: "Return policy?"

5. What do you call a mum who counts to three?
Terrifying.

5. What's the difference between a dad and a toddler?
The toddler at least attempts to clean up after himself.

6. Why do dads always buy last-minute Mother's Day gifts?
Because petrol stations don't do pre-orders.

7. Why do dads love Mother's Day?
Because it's the one day a year they can say, "Let's not make this about me," and actually mean it.

8. Why do dads think they deserve credit on Mother's Day?
Because, technically, they picked the mother of their children.

9. Why do dads always say, "You don't need to get me anything for Father's Day"?
Because they're hoping you'll say the same about Mother's Day.

10. What's the most romantic thing Dad could do on Mother's Day?
Disappear for an afternoon—and take the kids with him.

Mum Jokes for Kids (Because Mums Are Basically Superheroes)

Mums have more superpowers than a comic book hero—and they don't even need a cape. They can hear snack wrappers from three rooms away, sense when you haven't brushed your teeth, and somehow say "Stop that" without even turning around. That's not just parenting. That's telepathy.

So, if you're looking for a funny joke to write in a card, say at breakfast, or use to make Mum smile this Mother's Day, these are perfect!

Just… maybe don't tell them right after making a mess.

11. What do you call a mum who starts counting to three?
Terrifying.

12. Why do mums have eyes in the back of their heads?
To catch whoever pinched the last biscuit.

13. Why did the baby tomato turn red?
Because he saw Mum dressing... her salad!

14. What's the difference between a superhero and a mum?
Superheros save the world once. Mums do it every single day.

15. What's a mum's favourite type of music?
Mop era! (Because she's always cleaning up after everyone.)

16. Why don't mums ever lose at hide and seek?
Because they're the ones that always find everything!

17. What's a mum's least favourite exercise?
Running around after everyone else.

18. Why did the biscuit cry?
Because Mum snapped!

19. What do you get when you cross a mum with a GPS?
Someone who always knows where you've been and what time you got there!

20. What's does a tired mum say to her tea in the morning?
Morning, brew-tea-ful.

One-Liner Mother's Day Jokes

Sometimes, you just need a quick, punchy joke—something short and sharp that delivers a laugh (or at least an eye-roll) with minimal effort. Whether you're scribbling it in a card at the last minute, cracking a joke over breakfast, or trying to lighten the mood after the kids present their questionable homemade gifts, these one-liners are guaranteed to do the trick.

If you love a good dad joke, here are 91 of the best & worst ones.

21. Mum's rule of life: If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way she told you in the first place.

22. Dads may wear the trousers, but mums tell them which ones to wear.

23. My mum said I had no sense of direction… so I packed up and right.

24. The fastest land mammal? A mum who just heard, "Mum, I'm gonna be sick!"

25. Nothing humbles you faster than hearing your mum tell a story about you as a toddler… in public.

26. A "quick trip" to the shop with Mum lasts longer than some marriages.

27. Nothing prepares you for life like a mum saying, "I'm not angry, just disappointed."

28. Mums don't hold grudges… but they do store them for later use.

29. Mums are like magicians—they make guilt appear out of thin air.

30. I told my mum I was an adult now. She laughed and handed me a coat "because it looked cold outside."

Cheeky Mum Jokes (For the Dads Who Know They'd Be Helpless Without Her)

Dads, let's not pretend—we try to help, but sometimes we're more of a liability. These jokes embrace that truth.

31. Why do dads never win arguments with mums?
Because mums don't start arguments—they finish them.

32. My wife told me she didn't want anything for Mother's Day.
Now I'm deciding between flowers or a lawyer.

33. My kids asked me what we were doing for Mother's Day.
I told them, "Celebrating the fact that Mum hasn't left us yet."

34. The kids asked what they should write in their Mother's Day cards.
I told them, " Say she's beautiful, kind, patient, wonderful…" squints "...hang on, I can't read her handwriting."

35. I remember a few years back the kids didn't know what to write in their Mother's Day cards.
I said, "Just speak from the heart—tell her how much you love and appreciate her."
Then I watched as they wrote, "Thanks for the snacks."

Witty Jokes & Sayings for Mother's Day Cards

Getting the kids to write something half-decent in their Mother's Day card? Easier said than done. But don't worry—I've got you covered.

36. Happy Mother's Day!
Without you, I'd have no clean socks, no packed lunches… and no idea what day it is.

37. Happy Mother's Day!
Mum, you deserve a trophy for everything you do. But for now, please accept this card and my very best attempt at tidying my room.

38. Happy Mother's Day!
Thanks for being the best mum ever! (And for pretending my "art" is actually good.)

39. Happy Mother's Day!
I was going to get you the perfect gift, but then I remembered—you already have me.

40. Happy Mother's Day!
Mum, I love you more than WiFi. (And that's saying A LOT.)

Dad vs. Mum: The Ultimate Showdown

Mums and dads have very different approaches to parenting. Mums are efficient, organised, and somehow always three steps ahead. Dads… well, we try.

Where Mum sees a carefully structured routine, Dad sees an opportunity to wing it and hope for the best. Mums plan balanced meals, dads count anything yellow as a vegetable. Mums pack a fully prepared bag for every possible scenario, dads assume keys, wallet, and vibes will be enough.

41. Mum vs. Dad on Shopping Lists:
Mum: Plans meals, writes a list, sticks to a budget.
Dad: Comes back with crisps, a multipack of energy drinks, and "I forgot what else we needed."

42. Mum vs. Dad on Getting the Kids Dressed:
Mum: Matches outfits, checks the weather, makes sure everything fits.
Dad: "Pyjamas and wellies? Good enough."

43. Mum vs. Dad on Lost Items:
Mum: Actually finds the missing item in under 30 seconds.
Dad: Looks around for five seconds, sighs dramatically. "It's gone. We have to buy a new one."

44. Mum vs. Dad on Leaving the House:
Mum: Snacks packed, drinks sorted, spare clothes ready.
Dad: "We'll just grab something on the way." (We don't.)

45. Mum vs. Dad on Homework Help:
Mum: Explains patiently, follows the curriculum.
Dad: "Let me show you the way I was taught." (Which is wrong and 20 years out of date.)

Final Five 'Appreciation' Things to Write for the Mother of Your Children

If you're writing a Mother's Day card and need something that strikes the perfect balance between "I love you" and "Yes, I am completely useless without you", these lines will do the trick.

Designed to make her smile while fully acknowledging that she's the reason birthdays happen on time, the house isn't a total disaster, and the kids eat actual food groups.

46. Happy Mother's Day!
Without you, birthdays would happen every third year, and the kids would only own three mismatched socks and a shoe.

47. You are my world. You are my everything.
You are also the sole reason the kids eat vegetables.

48. Roses are red, violets are blue, without you, I'd live on just toast and a brew.

49. They say behind every great man is a great woman…
but honestly, you're in front, leading the way. I'm just trying to keep up!

50. Happy Mother's Day!
Thank you for being the mum, the boss, the organiser, and occasionally, my personal translator when the kids start talking Gen Alpha slang.

In Closing: Mums, We Salute You!

At the end of the day, Mother's Day is about appreciating the absolute superheroes we call mums—the ones who keep everything running, even when the rest of us are "yeeting" the kids across the room to keep them entertained.

So, whether you're writing a card, looking for a joke to make her giggle, or just reminding your wife how much she's loved, I hope this collection has done the trick (and if you're still not sure what to do, why not check out this page over on Twinkl for some Mother's Day inspiration).

Now, go make her a brew—or at the very least, remember to buy a card before the shops close.