Alright, let’s get straight to it. You’re pregnant, or maybe you’re already wrangling a newborn, and you’re scrolling through endless baby name lists like a moth to a flame. You’re after something “unique,” something that’ll make your child stand out in a sea of Olivias and Noahs. But let’s be real for a second: do you want your kid to be the next leader of the free world, or do you want them to spend a lifetime explaining that yes, Pebbles is actually their legal name?

We’re here to save you from yourself, one poorly chosen baby name at a time. Below is a list of the 100 least popular names in the UK for 2023, and spoiler alert: there’s a reason they’re about as extinct as a Woolworths bargain bin.

“Unique” Is Just Boomer Talk for Unpopular

Once upon a time, our parents (read: Boomers) thought it was cute to slap us with names that would guarantee a lifetime of being the butt of jokes in school. No offence, but if your name’s on this list, you probably know what it’s like to hear “Oh, I’ve never heard that one before!” at least 100 times a year.

And let’s be honest, the Boomers aren’t exactly known for their stellar decision-making (looking at you, housing market). So, if you’re thinking of reviving the likes of Cheryl or Gary, it might be time for a rethink.

Boomers have done a lot of questionable things – questionable décor choices, questionable music taste, questionable financial advice – but there’s one thing they’ve really managed to botch: baby names. They had no clue that their “adorable” choice for little Nigel would lead to a lifetime of awkward school registration calls.

The Top (or should we say Bottom) 100 Unpopular Names

Before we dive into this list, a disclaimer: if your favourite name is here, it’s time to take a long, hard look at yourself. If Gladys or Cecil are on your shortlist, grab a cup of tea and reconsider everything.

Here’s a taste of the names you should avoid unless you want your child to apply for emancipation:

1. Gladys – Sorry, Grandma, but your era is over.
2. Nigel – The only people who still think Nigel’s cool are over 70, and even they’re not sure.
3. Phyllis – Let’s face it, this sounds more like a mothball brand than a future CEO.
4. Barry – Ever heard a baby named Barry? No? Exactly.
5. Cheryl – Once an ’80s pop sensation, now… let’s just say Cheryl has left the building.
6. Gary – Probably making a solid case for early retirement from the name game.
7. Bertha – If your idea of standing out is sounding like a steam engine, this one’s for you.

The rest of the list follows suit: names that peaked before you could legally drink and haven’t seen the light of day since.

But What About Being Different?

Look, we get it. No one wants their child to be the fifth Matthew in the class. But there’s a middle ground here, folks. There are plenty of names that strike the right balance of uniqueness without being outdated. If you’re looking for inspiration, check out our list of 50 Nature-Inspired Boy Names. You can still find a name that’s unique without giving your kid a lifetime of explaining why they were named after a piece of furniture (looking at you, Clifford).

Boomers would have you believe that sticking with these forgotten relics is the way forward – because hey, they survived with a name like Neville, right? But this isn’t the 1970s, and your child isn’t running a dodgy carpet business in a Midlands suburb. It’s 2023, and your child deserves a name that won’t make them cringe every time they hear it. If you’re after something ‘unique’ – perhaps even a bit edgy – you might find inspiration in our list of 40 Metal Baby Boy Names for your little dark prince or princess.

Names That Should Have Stayed in the ‘90s

Some names on this list were, admittedly, kinda cool… thirty years ago. But if you’re still clinging onto the Shirley or Marlene dream, it’s time to face reality. If you name your child Dawn or Trevor, prepare for the inevitable “That’s my gran’s name!” comments by the time they hit nursery.

The Harsh Reality: It’s Time to Move On

I’m not here to ruin your day (okay, maybe a little), but it’s time to think about your baby’s future. Names like Fred and Tessie might be cute when they’re tiny, but by the time they’re 15, they’ll be begging for a deed poll application. Choosing the right name for your child is crucial – after all, the bond between a parent and child is special, as we’ve explored in 201 Inspirational Father Daughter Quotes.

Your child is going to live in a world with Jaxons, Islas, and Evies. They need a name that’s ready for the 21st century, not something that makes them sound like they’ve time-travelled from a post-war radio drama.

So, do yourself (and your child) a favour. Skip these names, and for the love of all things sacred, don’t doom them to a life of “Actually, it’s Bertha.”

Now, go on, check the list. Is your name on here? Would you name your child something from it? Let the debate begin. (And don’t come crying to me when your little Nigel asks for a name change in 10 years.)

Alright, now that we’ve got you laughing (or groaning) at the ridiculousness of some names, it’s time to bring out the list itself. Brace yourself – here are the 100 least popular baby names in the UK for 2023. If your name is on here, we apologise in advance (but hey, at least you’re unique, right?).

50 Least Popular Girls’ Names of 2023

1. Averly – Is it a name or a typo?
2. Brydie – Not to be confused with the magazine.
3. Carolyn – Trying to bring this one back? Think again.
4. Cecile – Sounds like you should be sipping tea in a corset.
5. Cheryl – Once all the rage, now fading into the abyss.
6. Cheyanne – Perfect if you’re raising a rodeo star.
7. Christie – Will forever live in the shadow of Christina.
8. Collette – Elegant? Sure. Popular? Not anymore.
9. Debra – For when you want your child to sound like an office manager.
10. Delphina – Dolphins, but make it posh.
11. Evaleigh – The -leigh trend is well and truly over.
12. Flossie – Fun fact: It’s also a sheep’s name.
13. Fred – Were you going for Freya but got lost?
14. Gail – Gale force winds have more staying power than this name.
15. Georgette – Trying a bit too hard to sound fancy, aren’t we?
16. Gladys – Do they even make grandmas named Gladys anymore?
17. Hally – Close, but not quite Holly.
18. Harpreet – Keeping it traditional, but not quite on-trend.
19. Jackie – Still stuck in the ‘80s with that one, are we?
20. Jules – Better left as a nickname, honestly.
21. Julianne – Was popular for a hot minute, but now? Nah.
22. Justina – Sounds like the little sister of a more popular name (Justine).
23. Kenzi – Trying to be Kenzie, but isn’t.
24. Kyomi – Meaningful in Japanese, but not exactly flying off the charts in the UK.
25. Lilliah – A less-popular cousin to the Lilys and Lilias out there.
26. Lorraine – Sounds like someone’s mum, not a baby.
27. Loxley – Sounds more like a medieval village than a baby name.
28. Luanna – A mashup of Luanne and Anna, neither of which are winning.
29. Maureen – Sorry, Mo, but this ship has sailed.
30. Meryl – Even Streep can’t make this name trendy.
31. Muriel – Might as well throw Edith in for good measure.
32. Nicole – Once everyone was a Nicole… and now no one is.
33. Norina – A spin-off of Nora that never took off.
34. Nyala – If you like your baby names inspired by antelope.
35. Olivine – Trying to hop on the Olivia train but missing it completely.
36. Paignton – That’s literally a seaside town, not a name.
37. Peggie – Even Peggy would have more of a fighting chance.
38. Perl – Could work… in 1930.
39. Phyllis – Genuinely sounds like you’re naming a garden gnome.
40. Pixi – Sure, if you want your kid to sound like a magical creature.
41. Ryley – You added a y where it wasn’t needed.
42. Sharlene – Forever living in the shadow of Charlene.
43. Shelly – Stuck in a time warp somewhere in 1983.
44. Shyanne – This one’s a yawn in a name.
45. Sigrid – Unless you’re raising a Viking, it’s a hard pass.
46. Tammy – People still name their kids this? Who knew?
47. Teigen – Famous surname, terrible first name.
48. Tessie – Sounds like she’s already 82.
49. Vinisha – Even Venice would have been a better choice.
50. Yvonne – No matter how you spell it, it’s still stuck in the past.

50 Least Popular Boys’ Names of 2023

1. Alexandro – It’s got flair… just not here.
2. Arlyn – Sounds like a forgotten Lord of the Rings character.
3. Ashton – Once a cool name, now just sounds tired.
4. Barry – If you name your child Barry, don’t expect thanks later.
5. Bill – Bill who? Bill why?
6. Billie – Much cooler on a girl, let’s be honest.
7. Brad – Used to be Brad Pitt, now just plain old Brad.
8. Braydan – Missed the boat on the trendy -ayden names.
9. Brent – The ‘80s called, they want their name back.
10. Cecil – Belongs in a different era, one with monocles.
11. Chad – Hasn’t recovered from the 2000s voting scandal, let’s be real.
12. Chandler – A Friends reference that’s past its sell-by date.
13. Clarence – It’s a no from us, Clarence.
14. Claude – It’s French for “old man,” isn’t it?
15. Clifford – Leave this one in the children’s book section.
16. Corby – Let’s not mistake it for a brand of trouser press, okay?
17. Cyril – Cyril sneaks in there as the least expected revival.
18. Dale – Somehow manages to sound both plain and old-fashioned.
19. Darnell – Feels like it’s been in name limbo for years.
20. Donald – Once regal, now… well, you know.
21. Drake – Unless your last name is Graham, steer clear.
22. Duran – Unless you’re naming a boy band, hard pass.
23. Edmond – Trying to be posh, but ends up sounding stuffy.
24. Elbert – Definitely sounds like someone’s granddad.
25. Elija – Trying too hard to be different with this spelling.
26. Esteban – It’s got flair, but no staying power in 2023.
27. Finch – Cute for a bird, questionable for a child.
28. Finneas – Are you naming a baby or an old man from the 1800s?
29. Fitzgerald – A surname, not a first name.
30. Frazier – Forever tied to ‘90s sitcoms.
31. Gary – Legend at the pub, not so much in the nursery.
32. Glenn – Probably best left in the past.
33. Gordon – If it’s not a chef or a gin, maybe reconsider.
34. Graham – Slightly better than Gary, but only just.
35. Horace – No child wants to grow up sounding like a character from a Dickens novel.
36. Howard – Belongs firmly in the “high-waisted trousers” category.
37. Huxon – Trying to be edgy but ends up sounding like a tech start-up.
38. Iain – Scottish and proud, but definitely past its peak.
39. Izac – The misspelled cousin of Isaac.
40. Jamiel – Feels like someone merged Jamie and Daniel.
41. Jeffrey – If you name your child Jeffrey, prepare for some serious side-eye.
42. Joules – Probably a variation on Jules, but it sounds more like an energy unit.
43. Keith – The original dad name. Enough said.
44. Kegan – Neither Keegan nor Egan, it’s just floating in-between.
45. Kennie – Why not just stick with Kenny?
46. Kristopher – Why not go classic and just spell it right?
47. Lamar – Not exactly setting trends in 2023.
48. Larenzo – Trying to be Lorenzo, but isn’t quite there.
49. Leigh – An old classic, but barely hanging on.
50. Neville – Still waiting for its resurgence… and waiting.

Don’t Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out

And there you have it – the complete alphabetised list of 100 least popular boys’ and girls’ names of 2023. These names might make your little one stand out, but perhaps not in the way you’d hoped. Before you saddle them with a moniker that’ll have them dreading registration, consider whether a trendy name is worth the lifelong explanations.

Just remember – when it comes to baby names, timeless doesn’t mean boring, and “unique” doesn’t have to mean weird.

Now, do yourself a favour and have a re-think before you add Nigel or Gladys to the birth certificate and if you’ve got a friend or family member considering any of these names, do me a favour and send them to this post (or share this with them on Facebook).