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Absurdly Charming Nonsense from My Little Ones

I keep telling myself to write down the fleeting brilliance of my children’s verbal escapades, however, more often than not, I completely forget what it is they’ve said during the day. Something about 2-3 hours of broken sleep each night has really destroyed my memory!

Hence, this page will serve in perpetuity as a monument to all the nonsensical and occasionally genius (or just plain daft) remarks bestowed upon me by my progeny and any little tid-bits of the day that I can recall. A mini-diary focused on them rather than myself if you will.

It’s my feeble strategy to immortalise their spontaneous wit so that, I can share some of their joy with you now, and in the future, I can entertain them with the bizarre treasures of their youth.

Think of it as a written testament to the days of their carefree whimsy, a time before life’s relentless grind threatens to turn them into beings burdened with the weight of the world — oh, the humanity!

Latest Update: 26th March 2024

Year 2024



Just a quick one for today, as always, lots to catch-up on but never enough time to do it!

I’ve been on a DIY spree around the house and I finally purchased that second washing machine for the nappies and cheeky wipes. This spurred me on to tackle a few chores that I’ve been procrastinating over, including fixing the flushers in the bathrooms.

Long story short, D#1 wanted to join me at the local hardware store and as I pestered the shop clerk, trying my best to describe what I now know to be a cistern lever (and not “the handle that flushes the toilet”), she had a quick mosey upstairs.

I had started the payment process at the till and out of nowhere she proclaims “I feel like a princess”. She had just been staring at the key cutting service and compost piles brought in, given that it was 5 minutes before store closed. I struggled to put the pieces together and the clerk and I both chortled as “I don’t feel like a princess working here” she added.

As we left the shop she finally explained; that the staircase, lights and balustrade gave her a Disney-esque vibe and she felt like a princess coming down them. I love her whimsy!


It’s been one of those weeks (or three… but when isn’t it, right?), and I just had to share this gem of a moment. We’re out doing the weekly shop, and we roll back home a tad later than planned. Lo and behold, our eldest is home alone, and as expected, she’s up to some “mischief.” (Think PM May in a hay field).

“Daddy, I’ve got something to tell you,” she blurts out with a mischievous glint in her eye. “I took some pictures of the birds for the cats to fantasise over!” Cue my puzzled expression. “I never knew birds could be so cute!” she continues, her face lighting up with newfound revelation. Then, it hits her. “Wait a sec,” she pauses dramatically, “do cats suffer from cuteness aggression?”

She got me. “Well, you’re not entirely off the mark there,” I reply, trying to keep a straight face. “But let’s not forget about the poor birds 🐦. You’re kind of gaslighting them!”

And just when I thought the laughter was about to die down, she drops this bombshell: “I thought equestrians are people who think they’re horses!?”



Well, would you look at that! It’s been a while since I’ve dropped anything in here, and wouldn’t you know it, the fevers and sniffles are making a comeback. I’m practically holding myself together with velcro and support bandages at this point!

But amidst the chaos of sickness, yesterday morning brought a rather amusing surprise courtesy of D#4. I’m already knee-deep in about four different chores when I hear the familiar call from upstairs, signaling yet another cleanup mission. So, I pause my strained efforts to deal with the giant pile of cat vomit and mentally brace myself for what’s to come.

But this time, there’s a twist. D#4 comes bounding down the stairs with an ear-to-ear grin, shouting, “Daddy, Daddy, I’ve got something really important to show you!” Now, you can imagine the mix of trepidation and panic as I sprint upstairs, half expecting to find a new mural on the bathroom mirrors.

I burst into the room, and there it is, waiting for me at the bottom of the porcelain throne like a proud exhibit at an art gallery: “Daddy, I pooped a whale… and also, there’s a moustache on my bum.”

Sure enough, there it was – a whale-shaped surprise waiting for me, complete with a little extra adornment that required my immediate attention. Ah, the joys of parenthood! #DadLife

*Disclaimer: Whale ratio accurate to within 0.1% of reality.
**Realised I’d dated this year 2014 not 2024 and now I’m sad.


I’ve been flat out the past few days taking care of chores and the family. Some of us are still battling the sniffles, and the missus and I have been waging war against relentless migraines. (That’s my alibi for the radio silence, and I’m sticking to it)!

Whipped up a batch of pancakes following Nigella Lawson’s secret recipe, but in my haste, forgot to snap a decent pic. Oops!

Pancakes with grapes, apples and a chocolate rose

D#1 went on her first valentine’s date today and in her attempts to woo my son in law to be, has learnt the intro to “Top Gunner”. Took me a hot minute to stop cackling and set her straight—it’s Top Gun, sweetheart.

Meanwhile, D#2 got all gooey-eyed during pancake time, thanking me for the rose. Tweenhood’s hitting her hard as she watches peers and siblings tiptoe into new relationships.

Wish I could type more, but it feels like my eyeballs are about to explode. I was just desperate to get some of today down somewhere.


Pretty busy day all round. The standard whimsy seems to have been dialed down a tad as the kids clubs are all Monday-Wednesday, so they’re usually pretty sleepy!

We covered the skeletal, circulatory and muscular system yesterday. The YOTO has a great selection of audio cards that helped guide us through our lesson. (206 bones in an adult body and 300 in a baby for those of us that have long since forgotten this ever so crucial bit of information & don’t forget about the stapes).

Anyway, this apparently led (D#4) to have a ponder as to “why can’t blood touch the heart, and why she can’t put blood in her FAgina”.

Cue my absolute bewilderment, panic and trying to stave off rapturous laughter!

Turns out she misunderstood the lesson on the 6th and wanted clarity on how the heart works… and as for her Fagina, well, she’s absolutely fine, but overheard a little too much of D#1 & D#2’s conversation about growing up!

Here’s to another successful day.


After a successful home-ed day talking about volcanoes and geography, interspersed with squirrels and scouts (the Monday routine is far too busy for my liking), I assumed my usual bed-time question time routine would be science rich or at least about the events of the day.

My daughter (#4) asked me if we could go chase a rainbow tomorrow as she misses them and the sweets we bought from the local shop after stopping at the local chippy.

My son (#3) interrupts and corrects her – “if we climb the rainbow, we can see a real unicorn at the top of the arch”. I asked him where he saw or heard this, he told me no-where but it sounds true so he needed to say it. <3

He then proceeds to fall asleep a few moments after D#4 smiles and starts softly snoring.


Date Unknown

Alas, I started this project a little too late, so I can’t recall the date she said it, but D#4 has a fondness for merging words. We’ve all been quite poorly since the end of the December term and the fatigue is real, but one afternoon on the sofa after a busy home-ed morning, out of no-where she asked Mummy whether she was feeling “cuddlish”.

Further prodding revealed that she didn’t jumble her words, or mistake cuddly, it was simply her way of describing the desire to have a cuddle, which would perhaps lead to a nap as well.

Sweet angel.

Sharing is Caring

And now, esteemed comrades in the grand adventure of parenthood, I extend to you an invitation to partake in the chronicles of juvenile wit. Share your anecdotes of pint-sized sagacity, instances of sheer absurdity, and those rare moments when your offspring left you momentarily dumbfounded.

Let this digital repository stand as a collective archive, a monument to the unpredictable charisma our little ones inject into our lives. Whether it’s a chuckle-worthy quip or a perplexing proclamation, let the comments section below be a canvas for the tapestry of parental amusement.

Feel free to deposit your comedic treasures here and let the echoes of shared amusement reverberate through the virtual corridors of parental solidarity!

I.E. – Share what your kids have been saying with the world and let us collectively laugh, moan or groan at them together.

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